Lost Love

 At some point of time every one looses their loved loves. I thought for a long period of time that this statement was an exclusion to me, but who can avoid the inevitable. The person whom I lost was a person I have never met, never seen, never spoken to...but the pain was real and it still sustains.

 I was married at my late twenties trying to avoid the commitment process for a long period of time. Met my husband through a family member who introduced us and our parents immediately thought that this was a good match for me, even i felt so. Well the marriage happened and everything felt new. I was the awkward wife, daughter in law and everything a married person would turn out to be. Couldn't cook, couldn't participate in serious decision making , was totally out of order. But still I managed to stick on or hold on. Thought I was the love of my husband and everything went according to how newly married couple will be, filled with romance, fights, learning, and discovery.  Speaking of discovery one fine day ...no no probably night when my husband was not home I happened to open my laptop found his mail was open as a curious cat I opened his messages.To my utter disbelief there was messages that he had shared with another girl. This was not just the normal chats but love exchanges. My world collapsed.... Oh wait was it very strong before that.....NOOOOOO. So whatever was hanging by the edge also fell. 

 I cried and cried , did I mention I was pregnant at that time. Well I was. This distress made the baby feel the pain. After a few weeks we went for a check up and the scan was shocking. I forgot the Lord when my life was good , I forget that i needed him everyday for everything there was no way of doing anything alone. Coming back to my story the scan showed that there was no fluid around my baby. Tried every possible way of hospitalization but nothing worked. Tried to pray to The Lord Almighty, but he didn't seem to reply to me. I tried to forgive my husband tried my level best to forget things I have seen, but I couldn't. I lost my baby after fighting for him for 2 more months. I was depressed, still sometimes I feel the pain that I had to go through for my son. But God has brought us back together, my husband has changed. God gave me a son and he took him back. I don't get to see him grow up, or hear his voice, feel his love. Some things happen in our life for a reason, it was permitted by God and we don't get to say anything about it. We have to accept it and start our living for him.

 Now I get a new chapter in my life. Trust in the Lord and Rejoice in the Lord. For there is no better strength than Rejoicing in the Lord. We may not understand why he puts us through these situation but always know that the world is our temporary residence. I once read in a book that this worldly life was our pilgrimage to the world of joy and peace created by God. So let us hope that all will turn out good by the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.